I think it was William Knoke who called this the "age of everything-everywhere." If that is an accurate description, then what do we do with what seems to be our hard-wired need for a sense of place?
I think about this a lot. For example, I wonder how closely my identity is tied to where I think of when I think of "home." I was born in Baltimore, and lived the first 18 years of my life in that area. My parents, and many of my other relatives still live there. But I stopped thinking of it as home a long time ago.
I went to college in the Boston area, and after grad school moved back there. I was married there, my kids were born there, and I lived 26 years of my adult life there. When people ask me where I'm from, I say New England. Yet no one from New England would consider me from there. (You need at least 3-4 generations to really fit in, at least according to New Englanders.) More importantly, when I go back there, I realize it is no longer home.
For the last almost 10 years I have lived outside Philadelphia. My wife is here, my kids come back here from time to time, and my work is here. Yet this is not home. I wonder if it will ever be home.
I believe we need places in our lives, yet it seems those places must be integrated, not only with our relationships, but with our most intimate sense of self. Can we truly be ourselves - dare I use the word "grounded," if we don't belong to a specific place?
I suppose it is naive to expect that I could ever be as connected to a specific place as some other people seem to be. I know a family who just lost their farm, which had been in the family for generations. The grieving was intense, and it wasn't just about the finances. Some of their identity was gone. When you have always understood yourself as being connected to a place - and that place is gone - then who are you, really?
I wonder if some social scientist will look at the relationship between our sense of place and the sports teams we root for. I used to cheer for Baltimore teams - Orioles, Colts, Bullets. But then the Colts and Bullets left, and so did I. I began to cheer for Boston teams - Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics, Bruins. I wonder if I will ever become a fan of Philadelphia teams? Will that mean that I am home here? I know people who cheer for Boston teams, even though they only spent a few years in New England, and now live far away from Boston. What does that say about us?
Which brings me back to our "age of everything-everywhere." If my friendships are no longer tied to where I live, but are available to me anywhere I am via my computer screen and my social networks, that is a wonderful thing. But what does it say about my identity? What does it say about how important those relationships are to who I am, really?
And do I really need a group of people that I regularly see and touch and do life with? Is virtual community enough? Is there still a need for "church?"
If I don't have a sense of place - then who am I, really?
You ask a good question, Mike. I have grappled with this question for most of my life because there have been a few, rare moments when I have felt like I belonged to a place. We moved a lot when I was a child. I have moved quite a bit as an adult. I wrestle with putting down roots somewhere, especially for my children. Ultimately, I return to the thought that I am God's child, beloved and called to follow where ever God leads. My community is what I make of it and home....well, home is the childhood years on the Navajo reservation, teen years on the Eastern Shore, young adult years in New England and midlife in Southern Arizona--home is the courageous act of listening most closely to the inner part of me that compels me to be connected where ever I am and mindful of those around me offering love and compassion. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteMy mom just moved into a new home, the fourth "home" she has had since I moved out. After my first visit, I was emptying my pockets of the pennies and dimes I had collected while helping her unpack. I thought to myself, that there is something "home" about a place where you keep the money you find there.
ReplyDeleteI moved a lot, like Stephanie, as a child. I get jealous of friends that are my age, whose parents still live in the same house. I am fascinated by the fact that my grandparents still live in the house my father grew up in.
ReplyDeleteI was always so insistent that when I had kids I wouldn't make them move. I would give them a "forever home." We've lived in four towns since Sam was born six years ago.
I had to deal with my childish desperation for a "forever home." I like to think that our current home is it (mortgage, wonderful church family, amazing school system where everyone adores my son). I now bear in mind that, over the last few years, God has placed us where we needed to be, even if it wasn't where I wanted to be. I'm trying to teach my kids that a sense of security doesn't come from a building. I don't know if I'll succeed, but if I don't, they'll still be okay.
I mean, my parents paid for my therapy, I can pay for my kids.